Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
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Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just puked most of my soul out..
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