ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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