I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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