Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
