Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
