i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize