I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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