shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
