I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize