It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
