my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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