When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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