I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Less talking, more tequila
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
