Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
