so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
