woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
