He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
