I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
