We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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