Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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