I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
