like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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