I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
