There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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