evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
