dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I think I just shit out all my problems.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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