I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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