I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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