If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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