I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
