evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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