dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
