I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
