I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize