I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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