I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
