I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
