Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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