You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
