My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
