My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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