I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Someone shit on the floor
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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