2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
