yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
