Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
