I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
