dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
