I will die if light touches me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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