I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
