He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
my poor anus
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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