she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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