I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
