Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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