she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
