Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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