All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
