Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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