I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
