I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Will exercising make me less horny?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
