she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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