I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
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Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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