by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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