3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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