I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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