Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
